Life is beautiful. There is no denying that. Not just because of the fact that we breathe, but because of the fact that sometimes we don't. Some of the greatest moments that I've ever had came when I held my breath, or when my breath was taken away. There is so much hate around us. So much intolerance. As people, we should try to take other peoples breath away. Make them smile. Make them appreciate the wonder and beauty of everything around them.
I have grown so much over the last fifteen years of my life. I was so full of hate and discontent. I was riddled with steroid abuse. I was depressed. I died twice only to be revived. I've been to jail...twice. I've battled with major stints of mania that cost me my home, cars, and almost my family. I look back at all of it and I smile. I had a reality check.......and it was check mate.
Over the last five years I've battled my illness head on. I've made new friends, and lost them. I've rekindled old relationships only to find that I'm just not good enough for them anymore. I've grown closer to my wife than ever before. I've become a good father, provider, teacher....man. I've learned to breathe easy when times are tough. I've learned to hold my breath at just the right moment.
I've learned that people are good at the core. They approach you when you allow yourself to be approached. They show interest. They speak with a kindness that we all want to feel. They open their heart to you. They allow you the opportunity to take their breath away. We need to be aware of these opportunities. We need to jump at the chance to be a part of their life. They may need us more than we know.
When I first met Nicole, her smile took my breath away. The birth of my daughters literally made me stop breathing for a moment. I remember just last week closing my eyes and holding my breath while thinking about just how good I have it. The feeling I get when I jump off a cliff, holding my breath at the perfect time, taking in the exhilarating feeling as the cool water cleanses my emotions. These are examples of amazing times in my life that took place while I wasn't even breathing.
I sat down to write this because I know so many people that need a reality check. They need to be loved. They need to smile. They need to have someone to talk to......about anything. They want to and have the ability to be a King in their world. The pressures of everyday life have gotten to them. If you know someone like this, surround them. Love them....hold them if they need it. Put them in check mate....Put them in reality. Do something to take their breath away. -blink
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Blissful Thinking
Bliss is a drug. It is the most addicting drug on the planet. It is also the hardest drug to come by. There are no Bliss Dealers on street corners. Your Doctor can't prescribe medication full of bliss. You cannot create a bliss lab in your basement. Quite simply, bliss comes from within you. Most of us never get to experience the high that bliss brings.
Melancholy is also a very powerful drug. This drug is much easier to come by. There are plenty of melancholy dealers on the street. Offering up many different recipes for despair. Most of us surround ourselves with these people. People that bring us down. People that insert their needles of hate and aggression into the very veins that can provide bliss.
With a sense of urgency, remove these people from your life. Surround yourself with people that genuinely care about you. I have personally started to do this. For the first time in many years, I have found inner peace. I have surrounded myself with people that love me. People that lift me up and make me feel good about myself. It's because of this.....I have bliss.
When you practice positive thinking, listen to positive music, read a positive book, surround yourself with loving beautiful people, your body begins to produce bliss. Once you feel the overwhelming high that you get from it, you never want it to go away. This drug has no side effects. As a matter of fact, it will strengthen everything about your well being, which will lengthen your stay here on Earth.
Once your body begins to create bliss, there is no stopping it. You start to glow. You start to radiate. Your energy is contagious. You begin to become a drug yourself. You spread to those around you. It's powerful and there's nothing that can stop it. Your whole world changes.......The world of everyone around you changes.
I am experiencing bliss for the first time in many years. It feels good. It feels right. I never want to let it go. I can make it last forever. Melancholy had too much of a grip on me. I fought it and won. I will not relapse. This is not "wishful thinking!" This is "Blissful Thinking!" It's my new thought process and it's here to stay.-Blink
Melancholy is also a very powerful drug. This drug is much easier to come by. There are plenty of melancholy dealers on the street. Offering up many different recipes for despair. Most of us surround ourselves with these people. People that bring us down. People that insert their needles of hate and aggression into the very veins that can provide bliss.
With a sense of urgency, remove these people from your life. Surround yourself with people that genuinely care about you. I have personally started to do this. For the first time in many years, I have found inner peace. I have surrounded myself with people that love me. People that lift me up and make me feel good about myself. It's because of this.....I have bliss.
When you practice positive thinking, listen to positive music, read a positive book, surround yourself with loving beautiful people, your body begins to produce bliss. Once you feel the overwhelming high that you get from it, you never want it to go away. This drug has no side effects. As a matter of fact, it will strengthen everything about your well being, which will lengthen your stay here on Earth.
Once your body begins to create bliss, there is no stopping it. You start to glow. You start to radiate. Your energy is contagious. You begin to become a drug yourself. You spread to those around you. It's powerful and there's nothing that can stop it. Your whole world changes.......The world of everyone around you changes.
I am experiencing bliss for the first time in many years. It feels good. It feels right. I never want to let it go. I can make it last forever. Melancholy had too much of a grip on me. I fought it and won. I will not relapse. This is not "wishful thinking!" This is "Blissful Thinking!" It's my new thought process and it's here to stay.-Blink
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Sometimes Sparkle Doesn't Sparkle
I made a wide right turn into the Sparkle parking lot. Maybe it was a little too wide, but there was some snow covering the curb, and I didn't want to hit it. A young girl leaving the parking lot decided to proceed even though it was very tight. I cut back toward the curb to avoid her and as I glanced over, she was screaming toward my car and flipping me the bird. I did put my hands up and mouth the words, "What do you want me to do!"
I approached my spot next to the buggy return, shut off the engine, and checked my mirrors. I noticed a young man walking toward my car. I was immediately uncomfortable with the situation. I was actually on the phone with my Dad at the time, so I told him to hold on, and I placed the phone in my pocket so he could hear what was about to take place.
The man was now about a car length away from my car. I opened my door, stepped out, closed the door, and awaited his next move. He hesitated, stepped back a bit, and then proceeded to walk toward me. I took one large step in his direction, not allowing him to feel in control. He began to scream so loud, that I honestly thought some of the parking lot lights would bust out. I stood firm, tall, hands at the ready, as watched him intently.
He called me a "Cussing faggot!" He told me he was going to "Beat the cuss outta me!" He made it very clear that I don't "Cussing know him," and that I have no idea what he's "Capable of!" I looked at him calmly and said, "You're acting like this over a wide right turn?" He began to bounce around, chimp like, and continued to swarm me with insults. I never wavered, never looked away. I stood there and let him belittle me.
I finally looked him directly in the eyes and said, "Are you done partner. I have shopping to do." He again yelled that "I don't know him!" I responded by saying, "The way you're acting tells me all I need to know about you." I suddenly had an epiphany. I thought to myself, Ray.....remember what Pops used to tell you. He would say, "Bub, sometimes it's better to know what you can do....than to do what you can do."
His girlfriend had pulled around by this time, pleading with him....."Tyler, get in the cussing car!!" "Tyler, he doesn't seem very scared of you!" The young lady was right. I wasn't very scared of Tyler. Once I saw how he was acting, I knew that I was in no physical danger. I've seen plenty of bark in my time. I've been bitten a lot as well, but the bite never came from the most boisterous man.
I backed away toward the store, keeping my eyes on him. He continued to scream and yell cuss words at me. I told them good night and started to walk away, knowing I was in no danger. He said, "Wait until you see your car when you come out mother CUSSER!!!" I stopped, turned to him, smiled, and said "Tyler, it's obvious that I don't fear you. I can guarantee you that my car doesn't fear you. Before this fiasco, I did not know you. Now I know that you're a loud mouthed little kid. A kid that I sure wouldn't want my daughter to date, and a kid named Tyler running around in a red Saturn Vue with the license plate $@353Z."
I turned and walked away completely proud of myself. Proud of myself for not doing what I wanted to do...and what I knew I was capable of doing. I was proud that I could control my mind, which is not always possible for me. I was proud that I thought of my wife and kids, and that I had the maturity to stay calm. Most importantly, I was proud that I walked away knowing, that that young man didn't know me. And he's still trying to figure it all out. -blink
NOTE- All real CUSS words were replaced with the word CUSS. Thank you Fantastic Mr. Fox.
I approached my spot next to the buggy return, shut off the engine, and checked my mirrors. I noticed a young man walking toward my car. I was immediately uncomfortable with the situation. I was actually on the phone with my Dad at the time, so I told him to hold on, and I placed the phone in my pocket so he could hear what was about to take place.
The man was now about a car length away from my car. I opened my door, stepped out, closed the door, and awaited his next move. He hesitated, stepped back a bit, and then proceeded to walk toward me. I took one large step in his direction, not allowing him to feel in control. He began to scream so loud, that I honestly thought some of the parking lot lights would bust out. I stood firm, tall, hands at the ready, as watched him intently.
He called me a "Cussing faggot!" He told me he was going to "Beat the cuss outta me!" He made it very clear that I don't "Cussing know him," and that I have no idea what he's "Capable of!" I looked at him calmly and said, "You're acting like this over a wide right turn?" He began to bounce around, chimp like, and continued to swarm me with insults. I never wavered, never looked away. I stood there and let him belittle me.
I finally looked him directly in the eyes and said, "Are you done partner. I have shopping to do." He again yelled that "I don't know him!" I responded by saying, "The way you're acting tells me all I need to know about you." I suddenly had an epiphany. I thought to myself, Ray.....remember what Pops used to tell you. He would say, "Bub, sometimes it's better to know what you can do....than to do what you can do."
His girlfriend had pulled around by this time, pleading with him....."Tyler, get in the cussing car!!" "Tyler, he doesn't seem very scared of you!" The young lady was right. I wasn't very scared of Tyler. Once I saw how he was acting, I knew that I was in no physical danger. I've seen plenty of bark in my time. I've been bitten a lot as well, but the bite never came from the most boisterous man.
I backed away toward the store, keeping my eyes on him. He continued to scream and yell cuss words at me. I told them good night and started to walk away, knowing I was in no danger. He said, "Wait until you see your car when you come out mother CUSSER!!!" I stopped, turned to him, smiled, and said "Tyler, it's obvious that I don't fear you. I can guarantee you that my car doesn't fear you. Before this fiasco, I did not know you. Now I know that you're a loud mouthed little kid. A kid that I sure wouldn't want my daughter to date, and a kid named Tyler running around in a red Saturn Vue with the license plate $@353Z."
I turned and walked away completely proud of myself. Proud of myself for not doing what I wanted to do...and what I knew I was capable of doing. I was proud that I could control my mind, which is not always possible for me. I was proud that I thought of my wife and kids, and that I had the maturity to stay calm. Most importantly, I was proud that I walked away knowing, that that young man didn't know me. And he's still trying to figure it all out. -blink
NOTE- All real CUSS words were replaced with the word CUSS. Thank you Fantastic Mr. Fox.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Peace By Piece
It's so fun putting together jigsaw puzzles. Sitting down with a Grandparent or other loved one, manipulating all of those pieces. It brings a certain peace doesn't it? A calming and soothing feeling that seems unexpected during such a tedious task. After hours upon hours you come to the final piece of a 1400 piece puzzle, only to find, that the peace is missing.
You search for what seems like a lifetime. The beautiful display of the Solar System is missing one very important star. The puzzle sits on the card table, people stare at its beauty as if it were complete. The puzzle is together in their eyes because all they see is the peace that surrounds you. They fail to notice the missing piece.
Sometimes things aren't as simple as we'd like them to be. Sometimes people don't understand how or why happiness can be found in broken puzzles. Sometimes people ask questions, "What's the story with you?" "There's more here than meets the eye!" Maybe those people are smarter than we think. Maybe they see things that should be obvious to everyone else.
Ultimately, personal peace can only be found when the final piece to the puzzle is found. Some of us have found that peace while others search high and low for that piece. I think it has to do with where you look. You could empty out the vacuum, walk the aisles of the grocery store, or just patiently wait until it jumps in and fills that void.
I also believe that the missing piece can be tucked away under the puzzle box. Right there in front of your face. Like a subtle smile hidden by tears or a quiet I love you from across a parking lot. I think that peace in the puzzle of life, can only be accomplished once we're brave enough to drop in the missing piece.
Like a puzzle with a missing piece, many lives miss that peace as well. If you know where to find that peace, be brave enough to fill the void. If you're still searching for that piece, I hope that you come across it in the most peaceful way. We can all go about our lives wondering and wandering. We can all search aimlessly for that missing peace. Or we can be brave, smile, breath easy, and love. We can find peace. We can lay down the final piece that we already know is there. -Blink
You search for what seems like a lifetime. The beautiful display of the Solar System is missing one very important star. The puzzle sits on the card table, people stare at its beauty as if it were complete. The puzzle is together in their eyes because all they see is the peace that surrounds you. They fail to notice the missing piece.
Sometimes things aren't as simple as we'd like them to be. Sometimes people don't understand how or why happiness can be found in broken puzzles. Sometimes people ask questions, "What's the story with you?" "There's more here than meets the eye!" Maybe those people are smarter than we think. Maybe they see things that should be obvious to everyone else.
Ultimately, personal peace can only be found when the final piece to the puzzle is found. Some of us have found that peace while others search high and low for that piece. I think it has to do with where you look. You could empty out the vacuum, walk the aisles of the grocery store, or just patiently wait until it jumps in and fills that void.
I also believe that the missing piece can be tucked away under the puzzle box. Right there in front of your face. Like a subtle smile hidden by tears or a quiet I love you from across a parking lot. I think that peace in the puzzle of life, can only be accomplished once we're brave enough to drop in the missing piece.
Like a puzzle with a missing piece, many lives miss that peace as well. If you know where to find that peace, be brave enough to fill the void. If you're still searching for that piece, I hope that you come across it in the most peaceful way. We can all go about our lives wondering and wandering. We can all search aimlessly for that missing peace. Or we can be brave, smile, breath easy, and love. We can find peace. We can lay down the final piece that we already know is there. -Blink
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Complex Simplicity
I was walking through a field one day and out of nowhere a rose bush appeared. It had draped itself up the side of an old walnut stump, climbing so gracefully toward the sky. I asked myself how in the world did this thing get here. The field itself was beautiful, yet the rose bush was the epicenter of it's beauty. It was a rather cloudy day and a soft drizzle began to fall from the sky. I don't mind the rain, I actually prefer it, and I watched as drops gently rested on the petals of the queen flower. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, smiled.
After what seemed like twenty minutes, I opened my eyes to the sound of youthful giggles. Fifteen yards away, where the rose bush should have been, Nicole, Kameron, Trinity, and Mirryn danced and laughed in what was now a steady downpour. I quickly ran over to join them, my roses...my life.
I am guilty for allowing life to be so demanding and complex at times. We all take it so serious, when in fact, it's over in the blink of an eye. With how complex, demanding, and difficult life can be, it's the simplicity in it that makes it worth living. The only people that I want to have a positive influence on after I'm gone, are the same one's that I want to have a positive influence on while I'm here. Although life from it's biological core is very complex, the way it's lived should be very simple. Dance in the rain.-Blink
After what seemed like twenty minutes, I opened my eyes to the sound of youthful giggles. Fifteen yards away, where the rose bush should have been, Nicole, Kameron, Trinity, and Mirryn danced and laughed in what was now a steady downpour. I quickly ran over to join them, my roses...my life.
I am guilty for allowing life to be so demanding and complex at times. We all take it so serious, when in fact, it's over in the blink of an eye. With how complex, demanding, and difficult life can be, it's the simplicity in it that makes it worth living. The only people that I want to have a positive influence on after I'm gone, are the same one's that I want to have a positive influence on while I'm here. Although life from it's biological core is very complex, the way it's lived should be very simple. Dance in the rain.-Blink
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Shiver
I've given myself 6 minutes to impress...Here goes
Night falls, I shiver.
Skin crawls, I shiver.
Fear itself, it shakes me.
It's not cold, I shiver.
Day rises, I'm calm.
Heart races, I sigh.
Peace overwhelms me, I breath.
It's freezing cold, I'm warm.
Sadly I have more nights than days,
My skin crawls so hard, the heart race gets delayed.
Fear itself shakes me, think of what fear in numbers can do,
It smothers the peace and my oxygen too.
Most times the cold can melt down the heat,
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
But it's when I'm with you that I'm at my best,
After 14 years you've passed the test.
Every time I shiver I think of you,
All the nights become days, my heart races too.
The feelings of cold, goosebumps, and chills....
Are soon replaced with warm feelings and thrills.
When I'm with you.......I shiver.
Night falls, I shiver.
Skin crawls, I shiver.
Fear itself, it shakes me.
It's not cold, I shiver.
Day rises, I'm calm.
Heart races, I sigh.
Peace overwhelms me, I breath.
It's freezing cold, I'm warm.
Sadly I have more nights than days,
My skin crawls so hard, the heart race gets delayed.
Fear itself shakes me, think of what fear in numbers can do,
It smothers the peace and my oxygen too.
Most times the cold can melt down the heat,
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
But it's when I'm with you that I'm at my best,
After 14 years you've passed the test.
Every time I shiver I think of you,
All the nights become days, my heart races too.
The feelings of cold, goosebumps, and chills....
Are soon replaced with warm feelings and thrills.
When I'm with you.......I shiver.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
A Day In The Life
I love superheros! I often think about what kind of superhero I'd like to be. Some recent events put that to rest. I've come up with the ultimate superhero. I'm not sure what my alter egos name would be. Whoever reads this blog can help with that. First, I want to share with you what abilities my superhero would have.
I would have the ability to take the most difficult day of someone, and live it. Completely take that day away from them. Now there would be consequences for me of course......Like Superman's kryptonite. A real superhero doesn't worry about stuff like that though. Bring on the kryptonite!
Doug, I would have taken on that leukemia, and spit in it's face! Shannon, the cancer that was supposed to end you, would have never had a chance to meet you. My brother Dave, whatever needed amputated, would have been removed from me! Drew, the pain that your child goes through, would now go through ME!
That is a true superhero! I know that the old lady getting her purse snatched is important, but I'm changing the lives of MANY! What am I talking about anyway? This is all make believe. It's truly how I feel though. I would love to be able to take all that pain away........Even if it meant the end of me.
So what is the name of my superhero? I don't know. What I do know is that many people I know, battle things everyday, that Batman would never take on. Maybe the real hero's are Doug, Shannon, Dave, Mariah. They fight the kryptonite everyday. Sometimes they win, sometimes they lose. Either way, they all make us stronger.
Gavin, I wish I could take away those needles. Ally, I wish I could make you walk again. Grandpa Baker, I wish I could make you feel young again. Nicole, Kameron, Trinity, and Mirryn........I wish I could make everything right.....EVERYDAY! Just have comfort in knowing that you are all heros to me. I learn from every one of you. Ultimately, this blog is for you.
What's my name? -blink
I would have the ability to take the most difficult day of someone, and live it. Completely take that day away from them. Now there would be consequences for me of course......Like Superman's kryptonite. A real superhero doesn't worry about stuff like that though. Bring on the kryptonite!
Doug, I would have taken on that leukemia, and spit in it's face! Shannon, the cancer that was supposed to end you, would have never had a chance to meet you. My brother Dave, whatever needed amputated, would have been removed from me! Drew, the pain that your child goes through, would now go through ME!
That is a true superhero! I know that the old lady getting her purse snatched is important, but I'm changing the lives of MANY! What am I talking about anyway? This is all make believe. It's truly how I feel though. I would love to be able to take all that pain away........Even if it meant the end of me.
So what is the name of my superhero? I don't know. What I do know is that many people I know, battle things everyday, that Batman would never take on. Maybe the real hero's are Doug, Shannon, Dave, Mariah. They fight the kryptonite everyday. Sometimes they win, sometimes they lose. Either way, they all make us stronger.
Gavin, I wish I could take away those needles. Ally, I wish I could make you walk again. Grandpa Baker, I wish I could make you feel young again. Nicole, Kameron, Trinity, and Mirryn........I wish I could make everything right.....EVERYDAY! Just have comfort in knowing that you are all heros to me. I learn from every one of you. Ultimately, this blog is for you.
What's my name? -blink
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