Out of Body? Out of Mind!

I watched as they inserted the fourth screw.  It was incredible to me, because the tool they used was just like a normal screwdriver.  I thought to myself, "sheesh, is this modern technology?"  I've had two out of body experiences in my life.  I refuse to believe that that's what they were.  I chalk it up as effects from anesthesia.  I have never reacted very well to that drug.

I think my brother may be dying.  It's not really off topic.  If you sit back and read, it'll all come together.  I say this because, I'm a bit out of my mind.  It's because of this I've had the "out of body" experience.  I have something in common with a lot of people.  The only difference is that they refuse to believe that they're a bit "out of their mind."

It takes some courage to admit you're a little off.  I have no problem with it at all.  I decided a while back to really study my issues.  I broke down every "deficiency" that I've been told I have.  Turns out, they aren't really deficiencies at all.  Once I understood my mind, I grew to enjoy my "different" way of thinking.  That brings me back to my brother.

My parents adopted Dave when I was just a boy.  I really didn't totally understand until years later.  It didn't take long for me to adapt to my new family member.  He was always very good to me.  Don't get me wrong, he could be a dick, just like my "blood brothers," but overall he was great to me while I grew up.  Now we're grown, and he may be checking out sooner than he should.

I offered Dave one of my kidneys a couple of years back.  He was excited, but there was a lot of work to be done.  He needed to get himself fit enough for a transplant, and I needed to get my mind right for anesthesia.  I can write about this forever, so I think I'll just get to the point.  I believe that there was a small window about seven months ago, that Dave could have received a kidney.  My procrastination may have led him to where he is today.

This story may seem confusing, but if you read it closely, I think you'll understand.  Was it "out of body?"  Was it "out of mind?"  That's the problem.  I'm so afraid of anesthesia because it slaps me right in the face.  It forces me to battle with my own beliefs.  I've convinced myself that I'm just overly creative, and that my mind is always working.  Seeing yourself as you get operated on would scare anyone.  It's something I don't want to see again.  I promise everyone this.......If my brother gets through this tough time, I will do everything in my power to help make him right!  I will set my mind and body at ease.  I will accept whatever outcome there may be. 

Out of Body?  Out of Mind?  Is there really any difference between the two?  It's something I'm bound to find out.

-Blink