Peace By Piece

It's so fun putting together jigsaw puzzles.  Sitting down with a Grandparent or other loved one, manipulating all of those pieces.  It brings a certain peace doesn't it?  A calming and soothing feeling that seems unexpected during such a tedious task.  After hours upon hours you come to the final piece of a 1400 piece puzzle, only to find, that the peace is missing.

You search for what seems like a lifetime.  The beautiful display of the Solar System is missing one very important star.  The puzzle sits on the card table, people stare at its beauty as if it were complete.  The puzzle is together in their eyes because all they see is the peace that surrounds you.  They fail to notice the missing piece.

Sometimes things aren't as simple as we'd like them to be.  Sometimes people don't understand how or why happiness can be found in broken puzzles.  Sometimes people ask questions, "What's the story with you?"  "There's more here than meets the eye!"  Maybe those people are smarter than we think.  Maybe they see things that should be obvious to everyone else. 

Ultimately, personal peace can only be found when the final piece to the puzzle is found.  Some of us have found that peace while others search high and low for that piece.  I think it has to do with where you look.  You could empty out the vacuum, walk the aisles of the grocery store, or just patiently wait until it jumps in and fills that void.

I also believe that the missing piece can be tucked away under the puzzle box.  Right there in front of your face.  Like a subtle smile hidden by tears or a quiet I love you from across a parking lot.  I think that peace in the puzzle of life, can only be accomplished once we're brave enough to drop in the missing piece. 

Like a puzzle with a missing piece, many lives miss that peace as well.  If you know where to find that peace, be brave enough to fill the void.  If you're still searching for that piece, I hope that you come across it in the most peaceful way.  We can all go about our lives wondering and wandering.  We can all search aimlessly for that missing peace.  Or we can be brave, smile, breath easy, and love.  We can find peace.  We can lay down the final piece that we already know is there. -Blink

Complex Simplicity

I was walking through a field one day and out of nowhere a rose bush appeared.  It had draped itself up the side of an old walnut stump, climbing so gracefully toward the sky.  I asked myself how in the world did this thing get here.  The field itself was beautiful, yet the rose bush was the epicenter of it's beauty.  It was a rather cloudy day and a soft drizzle began to fall from the sky.  I don't mind the rain, I actually prefer it, and I watched as drops gently rested on the petals of the queen flower.  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, smiled. 

After what seemed like twenty minutes, I opened my eyes to the sound of youthful giggles.  Fifteen yards away, where the rose bush should have been, Nicole, Kameron, Trinity, and Mirryn danced and laughed in what was now a steady downpour.  I quickly ran over to join them, my roses...my life.

I am guilty for allowing life to be so demanding and complex at times.  We all take it so serious, when in fact, it's over in the blink of an eye.  With how complex, demanding, and difficult life can be, it's the simplicity in it that makes it worth living.  The only people that I want to have a positive influence on after I'm gone, are the same one's that I want to have a positive influence on while I'm here.  Although life from it's biological core is very complex, the way it's lived should be very simple.  Dance in the rain.-Blink

Shiver

I've given myself 6 minutes to impress...Here goes


Night falls, I shiver.
Skin crawls, I shiver.
Fear itself, it shakes me.
It's not cold, I shiver.

Day rises, I'm calm.
Heart races, I sigh.
Peace overwhelms me, I breath.
It's freezing cold, I'm warm.

Sadly I have more nights than days,
My skin crawls so hard, the heart race gets delayed.
Fear itself shakes me, think of what fear in numbers can do,
It smothers the peace and my oxygen too.

Most times the cold can melt down the heat,
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
But it's when I'm with you that I'm at my best,
After 14 years you've passed the test.

Every time I shiver I think of you,
All the nights become days, my heart races too.
The feelings of cold, goosebumps, and chills....
Are soon replaced with warm feelings and thrills.

When I'm with you.......I shiver.

A Day In The Life

I love superheros!  I often think about what kind of superhero I'd like to be.  Some recent events put that to rest.  I've come up with the ultimate superhero.  I'm not sure what my alter egos name would be.  Whoever reads this blog can help with that.  First, I want to share with you what abilities my superhero would have.

I would have the ability to take the most difficult day of someone, and live it.  Completely take that day away from them.  Now there would be consequences for me of course......Like Superman's kryptonite.  A real superhero doesn't worry about stuff like that though.  Bring on the kryptonite!

Doug, I would have taken on that leukemia, and spit in it's face!  Shannon, the cancer that was supposed to end you, would have never had a chance to meet you.  My brother Dave, whatever needed amputated, would have been removed from me!  Drew, the pain that your child goes through, would now go through ME!

That is a true superhero!  I know that the old lady getting her purse snatched is important, but I'm changing the lives of MANY!  What am I talking about anyway?  This is all make believe.  It's truly how I feel though.  I would love to be able to take all that pain away........Even if it meant the end of me.

So what is the name of my superhero?  I don't know.  What I do know is that many people I know, battle things everyday, that Batman would never take on.  Maybe the real hero's are Doug, Shannon, Dave, Mariah.  They fight the kryptonite everyday.  Sometimes they win, sometimes they lose.  Either way, they all make us stronger.

Gavin, I wish I could take away those needles.  Ally, I wish I could make you walk again.  Grandpa Baker, I wish I could make you feel young again.  Nicole, Kameron, Trinity, and Mirryn........I wish I could make everything right.....EVERYDAY!  Just have comfort in knowing that you are all heros to me.  I learn from every one of you.  Ultimately, this blog is for you.

What's my name? -blink 

37

Thirty six years are gone.  I feel like I've already lived an entire lifetime.  For the very few people that understand me, you understand the choices I make.  Some decisions are easier to make than others.  Every once in a while we face those "lights out" decisions.  Decisions that can and will alter the lives of many.  Those are the toughest decisions we face.......The ones that hurt the most.

I've made some of those "lights out" decisions in the past.  Some of them turned out okay......Some, not so much.  Ultimately, I carry the weight of my choices on my back, and hope for the best.  People hurt over the choices I make sometimes, but no one carries more pain than me.  I try to do what's best for everyone involved.  If anyone is going to be unhappy when it's all said and done......I want it to be me.

As my 36th year comes to an end, I would like to share my birthday wish with everyone.  I know that I'm not supposed to do that, but since I don't believe in that shit anyhow, I figured it's okay.  Honestly, this is the first birthday wish that I really do want to come true.  In years past, I couldn't remember my wish the very next day.

I wished that everyone would take me for who I am.  I'm not always right.  Forgive me when I'm wrong.  I wished that everyone that holds a special place in my heart, would never forget the man they love.  From my wife, my kids, and my family, to the most special friends in my life.....You're special to me because you gave me a chance.  You chose to overlook the many flaws that I have.  I wished for peace to those I've hurt.

I always have the intent to infect people with my goodness.  It doesn't always work out.  I guess sometimes we need to renegotiate.......change the facts.  Maybe I need to grow some balls.  Nikki Sixx wrote, "If you obey every time someone says you can't do this or you must do that, you will become the person you NEVER WANTED to be." 

I just want to be a good man.  I want to follow my dreams.  I want to surround myself with people that inspire me......that make me right.  I think I've done a pretty good job with that.  For those of you that "get me," please stick around.  I'm sure I've failed all of you in some way or another.  Just remember that nothing is written in stone.......until we die.  -blink     

Let It Go

I decided to write a poem about the recent events surrounding my family.  Poetry is very special to me but writing it can make me very emotional.  This will be freestyle.....so to speak.  Freestyle to me is writing what you feel as quickly as possible, and never changing the results.  My freestyle usually lasts less than 5 minutes.... I will post my time at the end of the poem.  I hope you all enjoy it!

I dropped off Kam,
I'll miss her so,
She's with Allie, had to Let Her Go!

Picked up Caitlyn.
She had a glow!
Glow turned to screams!
I gotta let it go!

Make a choice, pay or NO?
I made the wrong choice.
Gotta let it go!

224 heading east.
That S10 became a beast!
Did all I could? I think so.
Either way....Gotta let it go.

Door won't open?
Don't think so!
Get to the kids!
Then Let it GO.

Lot's of chaos,
then 5-0!
Right then and there,
I should have let it go.

Everyone's safe,
that should be good to know.
I couldn't shake it......
Couldn't let it go.

After today, I won't look back.
Even though my life was knocked off track.
From this point on,
have PEACE and know.....
That I Ray Hobbs, could let it go.

7minutes

Simplicity

"Simplicity" by definition means one thing "the quality or condition of being easy to understand."  Raymond Matthew Hobbs does not fall under any footnote of that term.  I am not simple.  I am far from it.  Many people claim to know me, but they really don't.  This blog is not about me though, it's about you.

Remember the time I was twisted up in a blanket, and shoved into a closet?  Of course you don't.  Hey, HEY, nobody remembers that.  Remember the time I lit the woods on fire?!  Of course you don't.  I never told you.  Remember the time I watched my father get his head slammed onto the steps?  NOPE!  You don't remember that, because you never knew it was there.

Even though "simplicity" is an easy term to understand, it's really not so simple.  For instance, life is not simple..... Yet a dandelion has life.  We all walk through a field of dandelions, kicking them, picking them, and flicking them.  I guess life is really simple!  Why does a dandelions life hold less value than our own?

It doesn't!  But human beings think they're at the top of the food chain.  Yet we all forget the simple things in life.  Does anyone remember what it feels like to hug a homeless man?.....Hungry...ALONE!  Of course you don't, because most of you have never done it!  Simplicity (to me) does not mean "the quality or condition of being easy to understand!"

If "simplicity" meant what we're told it does, then we would never kick that dandelion.  We would never smack our spouse.  We would never pin our father down on the steps, and wait for the cops to arrive.  It's pretty easy to sum up.......Simplicity is not so simple.

Every one thinks that love is tough.  It's not so tough.  Everyone thinks that life is tough.  It's not so tough.  Love makes life simple!  Life, if you live it, makes love simple.  They go together.  You will never really live unless you really love.  As complex as I am, I can honestly say, that I live.........and I love!  It's that simple.  Maybe now I'm not so hard to understand. -blink  





 

Lifening Bolt

I dream about storms a lot.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of a dream, and there's an actual storm taking place.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of a dream, it's clear and calm, yet there's a storm taking place.  The remaining sleep depends on one thing.....  How close did the lifening bolts strike?

There are numerous results from an impending storm.  Sometimes there's incredible destruction, and sometimes it passes by without any harm at all.  There's a little drizzle, some thunder, and then the clouds break presenting the most beautiful rainbow.  We all search for that rainbow, and when we find it, we quickly pull out a camera, snap a photo, and cling to that moment.  We share it with everyone, because everyone loves a rainbow.

Unfortunately, rainbows are few and far between when lifening bolts strike.  That's why when we battle life's storms, we hold out all hope for a break in the clouds.  I think we all get by pretty well.  Some of us have constant rainbows like husbands, wives, and children.  For those, no matter how turbulent the storm, there's a calming peace that awaits.

For others, a rainbow never presents itself.  Lifening bolts strike daily, and an end to the storm is nowhere in sight.  I know people like this personally.  They strive for happiness, contentment, self satisfaction, and love.  It avoids them.  Just when they think they're close to the edge of a rainbow, a lifening bolt strikes.  There are never clear skies in their forecast.

I wrote this blog for those people.  I've seen a lot of ugliness in my life.  More than most that will read this.  I have always had a rainbow at the end of the storm.  No matter how many times lifening bolts have struck around me, the sun would pop out, and present the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen.  There are more storms ahead for us all.........I hope that Roy G. Biv is waiting for you when the clouds break. -blink

Out of Body? Out of Mind!

I watched as they inserted the fourth screw.  It was incredible to me, because the tool they used was just like a normal screwdriver.  I thought to myself, "sheesh, is this modern technology?"  I've had two out of body experiences in my life.  I refuse to believe that that's what they were.  I chalk it up as effects from anesthesia.  I have never reacted very well to that drug.

I think my brother may be dying.  It's not really off topic.  If you sit back and read, it'll all come together.  I say this because, I'm a bit out of my mind.  It's because of this I've had the "out of body" experience.  I have something in common with a lot of people.  The only difference is that they refuse to believe that they're a bit "out of their mind."

It takes some courage to admit you're a little off.  I have no problem with it at all.  I decided a while back to really study my issues.  I broke down every "deficiency" that I've been told I have.  Turns out, they aren't really deficiencies at all.  Once I understood my mind, I grew to enjoy my "different" way of thinking.  That brings me back to my brother.

My parents adopted Dave when I was just a boy.  I really didn't totally understand until years later.  It didn't take long for me to adapt to my new family member.  He was always very good to me.  Don't get me wrong, he could be a dick, just like my "blood brothers," but overall he was great to me while I grew up.  Now we're grown, and he may be checking out sooner than he should.

I offered Dave one of my kidneys a couple of years back.  He was excited, but there was a lot of work to be done.  He needed to get himself fit enough for a transplant, and I needed to get my mind right for anesthesia.  I can write about this forever, so I think I'll just get to the point.  I believe that there was a small window about seven months ago, that Dave could have received a kidney.  My procrastination may have led him to where he is today.

This story may seem confusing, but if you read it closely, I think you'll understand.  Was it "out of body?"  Was it "out of mind?"  That's the problem.  I'm so afraid of anesthesia because it slaps me right in the face.  It forces me to battle with my own beliefs.  I've convinced myself that I'm just overly creative, and that my mind is always working.  Seeing yourself as you get operated on would scare anyone.  It's something I don't want to see again.  I promise everyone this.......If my brother gets through this tough time, I will do everything in my power to help make him right!  I will set my mind and body at ease.  I will accept whatever outcome there may be. 

Out of Body?  Out of Mind?  Is there really any difference between the two?  It's something I'm bound to find out.

-Blink

Beauty Within

I recently read a story about a father strolling down the sidewalk with his daughter.  They came upon beautiful rose bushes on either side of the walk.  The roses were bright red, full, and so distracting that the pair almost strode off of the walk.  The daughter was smiling and dancing within herself.  It was a tunnel of absolute perfection and beauty.

The daughter turned to her father and said, "Daddy, they are so beautiful!"  Her father looked at her and smiled, and then proceeded to turn to a bush overhanging the sidewalk.  He then kicked the most beautiful rose of the bunch, spreading it's peddles along the walkway.  His daughter looked at him with disgust!  "Father, why would you do that?"  "That rose was so beautiful!"  Her father bent down to look his daughter in the eyes.  He smiled and said, "it still is."

The next time you see someone that looks different, talks different, or smells different....look further.  Look beyond the outside and search for the beauty within.  Everyone has a story, a path, a journey.  Some had a more difficult path to follow.  You can see it in their face.  The anguish, the turmoil, the hurt.  The next time you come across someone like this, do yourself a favor....say hello.

I've learned over the years, that the people no one else talks to, are the people I want to know.  The ones that are overlooked are much more interesting to me.  Their stories are deep, often dark, and always enlightening.

I remember going to Columbus in my early 20's.  I had to help my brother move.  I found myself wandering around just off the Ohio State campus, and I came upon a homeless black man.  He was sitting on a flattened card board box.  I kept on walking a few strides, but then something brought me back.  I approached him, said hello, and asked if I could sit beside him.  He looked at me like I was nuts, maybe I was.  He said, "why would you want to do that for?"  I said, "you look like you could use some company."  He smirked, and then gestured to a spot next to him.  The next half hour was among the most entertaining, wonderful, and educational moments of my life.  I'll never forget that old Army vet.  I wonder if he remembers me.  I bet he does.  All because I chose to seek out the beauty within.  Tomorrow, try it yourself!

What's a real Battle?

I'm sitting here watching Friday Night Fights.  As I watch these proud fighters brawl in the ring, I began to reflect on the life of Vladimir Klitschko.  Most have no idea who Vladimir is.  Of course they recognize the last name, Klitschko.  Vladimir was the father of heavyweight champions Wladimir and Vitali.

I watch boxing on a daily basis.  Some may say that is a waste of time, but I say you can learn a lot about a man in the confines of the "squared circle."  The Klitschko brothers have owned the heavyweight division for years.  Regardless of how people feel about the state of the division, they've fought everyone.  Every challenger has stepped up, run their mouth, and essentially been defeated.

That brings me back to their father, Vladimir.  Vladimir passed away Wednesday after a long battle with lymph node cancer.  He was a Colonel in the Soviet Air Force, stationed near Chernobyl when the "NUKE" disaster happened.  It kind of brought me back down to Earth once I read his story.

I wonder if Vladimir had the opportunity to leave Kiev.  I bet he did.  He chose to stay and help, no matter what price he had to pay.  He lost to Chernobyl, like so many others.  He did raise two amazing young men.  Young men that accomplished more than he could imagine.  Smart, talented, PH D's, and Heavyweight champions of the WORLD!

As I sit here watching these young men battle I think, how much can a man really take?  Then I think of Vladimir, and I realize that they have never seen a real battle.  I think about Wladimir and Vitali.  I think that they are just as proud of their father as he was of them.